Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Last week I managed to buy a copy of "The Secret" for just a few dollars so have been reading ten pages a night before I go to sleep. An artist friend had sent me a copy of the movie earlier this year and it had helped me so much while I was looking for a place to live that I wanted to learn more.
Growing up in a negative household where feelings were suppressed, fear was encouraged and lack of self esteem was the order of the day you were never surprised when life dished up nothing but drama and heartache. In fact we were praised for looking on the black side of things as this was being "realistic" and "practical". Money was the root of all evil, rich people got their wealth by screwing over others, it's no wonder my mother's three children have all ended up struggling financially. In the wider family the adopted children were told they had bad blood and brought nothing good into the family- most of us have ended up with major health problems and failed relationships.
Last November I read "Bad Childhood Good Life" by Dr Laura Schlessinger on the recommendation of an online artist friend and it really changed my thinking of who I am. I have never considered myself a victim but certainly I had been put down so often by others that I felt there must be something terribly bad about me rather than something bad about them for degrading me. I ended up thinking how dare they make me feel so bad about myself. I do deserve a good life. Then along came "The Secret" which completed the transformation.
I looked back at my childhood conditioning and saw how my thoughts had impacted on my life and how I had brought the worst down on myself. How being brought up to believe I was inferior because I was adopted and because I was ill I had allowed others to think they could treat me like someones unwanted rubbish. By believing I didn't deserve much in life the universe delivered trauma.
Changing my mindset to a positive one has been so difficult as the little negative voice in my mind still drones on in the background. However I am getting there. If it's a rainy day I don't say "I hope it doesn't flood" I say "Oh great I can get some more painting done this morning". I don't look at a stranger and feel fear that they're going to dislike me, I smile and say hello. If my joints are painful then it's an opportunity for me to rest and take time to read and talk to friends. If you have been reading this blog the past few months then you will have seen how so many wonderful things have begun to happen to me and how I've met so many fantastic people in just the past few weeks so it is working.
And yes there are the nay sayers who say "The Secret" is a rehash of other books. However authors do build on what has come before. There are really no original ideas. I know it has helped me and it has confirmed what I'd always known deep down but was unable to put into words. I have a long way to go but I'm getting there a step every day by changing my mindset and expecting the best from life.