Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Secret

Last week I managed to buy a copy of "The Secret" for just a few dollars so have been reading ten pages a night before I go to sleep. An artist friend had sent me a copy of the movie earlier this year and it had helped me so much while I was looking for a place to live that I wanted to learn more.

Growing up in a negative household where feelings were suppressed, fear was encouraged and lack of self esteem was the order of the day you were never surprised when life dished up nothing but drama and heartache. In fact we were praised for looking on the black side of things as this was being "realistic" and "practical". Money was the root of all evil, rich people got their wealth by screwing over others, it's no wonder my mother's three children have all ended up struggling financially. In the wider family the adopted children were told they had bad blood and brought nothing good into the family- most of us have ended up with major health problems and failed relationships.

Last November I read "Bad Childhood Good Life" by Dr Laura Schlessinger on the recommendation of an online artist friend and it really changed my thinking of who I am. I have never considered myself a victim but certainly I had been put down so often by others that I felt there must be something terribly bad about me rather than something bad about them for degrading me. I ended up thinking how dare they make me feel so bad about myself. I do deserve a good life. Then along came "The Secret" which completed the transformation.

I looked back at my childhood conditioning and saw how my thoughts had impacted on my life and how I had brought the worst down on myself. How being brought up to believe I was inferior because I was adopted and because I was ill I had allowed others to think they could treat me like someones unwanted rubbish. By believing I didn't deserve much in life the universe delivered trauma.

Changing my mindset to a positive one has been so difficult as the little negative voice in my mind still drones on in the background. However I am getting there. If it's a rainy day I don't say "I hope it doesn't flood" I say "Oh great I can get some more painting done this morning". I don't look at a stranger and feel fear that they're going to dislike me, I smile and say hello. If my joints are painful then it's an opportunity for me to rest and take time to read and talk to friends. If you have been reading this blog the past few months then you will have seen how so many wonderful things have begun to happen to me and how I've met so many fantastic people in just the past few weeks so it is working.

And yes there are the nay sayers who say "The Secret" is a rehash of other books. However authors do build on what has come before. There are really no original ideas. I know it has helped me and it has confirmed what I'd always known deep down but was unable to put into words. I have a long way to go but I'm getting there a step every day by changing my mindset and expecting the best from life.


Jen and family said...

I always read before I go to sleep at night

Im sori you grew up in such an environment

I think I may have to get hold of those books myself

you mention you were adopted
do you know anything about your birth parents???

I believe that the way we have brought up and the experiences we have gone though impact on our self esteem
If this has been negative of course you will be hard on yourself and have low self esteem
I have suffered from low self esteem in the past
I was bullied terribly at school

However I think I am better than I use to be
Uni really helped me
it brought out the confidence that was hiding within

I am a Christian and I believe that little negative voice is the devil. You can tell him where to go.

Im praying for you Jen
i pray those books really help you
You are a lovely person
I hardly know you
but I believe several things

God doesnt make rubbish
You are therefore lovely and a good person
and one other thing I LOVE how you respond to the comments I leave you

have a good day
U deserve it:)

jen at

damask22 said...

Hi Jen

Yes I do know my birth parents although I only have contact with my birth father and my two aunties on the maternal side. Long story.

I'm sorry you were bullied at school. I was too. I think as bullies are total cowards they tend to inflict their own hang ups on vulnerable souls who they know won't retaliate. Says more about them then it does about us.

I agree with you that getting out into the wider world can help our self esteem as we find that others don't think we're such a waste of space as more judgemental family members do although when it comes down to it it's what we think of ourselves that really matters.

Thanks for reading my blogs. I always try to reply to comments as I think if people have taken the time to write then the least I can do is to answer them. It also keeps me posting- I'm a terrible procrastinator.


Jen and family said...

I have an older half sister who was adopted at birth
we dont get along
she found Mum and thats all she really wanted to do
they get on

we (my younger and I) were expected to get on with her
we tried and then mother blamed us for not getting on with her

she is the type of person who stuck her nose into our affairs when it suited her
she has said some very hurtful things over the years so we are now estranged

jen at

damask22 said...

It must be difficult for you Jen. I don't have anything to do with my siblings but that was their choice. I did have a couple of conversations once with my paternal half brother and he was pretty cool. I have been aware of not wanting to tread on anyone's toes but I needed medical information. I have great friends and a my brother is good to me (he's also adopted) so I'm lucky.